Stress is an overused term in our society and one that means something different to everyone. Your stress is not my stress and stress over work for one person could mean stress over too much work while for another it could mean doing work they don’t like, etc.
I find stress is often either inner focused, due to inner conflicts, or outer focused, due to feeling like there is something external pressing us in some way to do something or not do something.
Inner stress is often due to some form of inner conflict that is unresolved. It could be an inner conflict over a situation where one didn’t follow their heart, it could be a conflict over making an important decision, and it could even be a conflict over perceived lack of resources.
To illustrate how inner conflict can create stress, and how to release it, I’m going to offer a real-life experience of my work with a client.
I was working with a man who ran his own company, we’ll call him John. John loved his clients and felt that he wanted to do everything in his power to help them. To that end, John often found himself making promises that, while he fully intended to fulfill them at the time stated, he did not have the time or resources to truly follow through with. This left
John in a constant state of stress and inner conflict.
We began working together by looking at the part of him that kept overextending. We found that part never felt good enough and therefore it kept acting like it was more, in order to show the world it WAS enough. We took the time to heal that part’s pain and shifted the inner belief of being good enough.
Next, we set up a list of what John could actually offer his clients and put it on a special paper with a top and bottom that were the same. John kept copies of that list with him at all times and, rather than tell a client what he was going to do for them, we set up an inner strategy from which he would check off the list what he would do for them and hand them the top copy and keep the bottom copy for his files so that he always knew what he had promised and had a check list to go from that he could actually follow through with. Within 3 weeks this was fully in place and his stress level decreased as his energy increased as now he is living by his word and could follow through with is promises.
Third, we looked at his tendency for exaggeration and how it conflicted with his inner values. He felt that he needed to show his clients that he could do everything they needed, even if he really didn’t know how. Then he would feel badly that he lied and have to find the resources to follow through which kept him in a vicious circle of lies and cover-up. We began a practice for him to practice being honest. We also grew his network to include others who could do the things he didn’t do, and really didn’t want to do (added resources).
John let me know that as he began living his values of being truthful and following through on his word, his entire life changed. His business did too as through the networking, he was also now getting new referrals.
Once John’s stress had reduced, he had time and energy to spend on his life. He grew closer to his wife and began to feel softer with his son. He’s reported to me that each time he feels stress now he asks himself the three questions we came up with:
1. What is the conflict and is it an inner conflict or outer conflict?
2. If I took action based on my inner values, how would I take action?
3. Are there resources that I need to obtain to make a better decision?
It’s amazing how quickly we shift when we live our lives with our values and our heart.
Blessings and may you find your truth and live it with vigor and light!
Jenifer
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